Most of the time my boyfriend, Devan, is really great. I mean he is great all the time, but specifically dealing with my depression. But there are other times when he says something about my depression or says it with the wrong tone or he meant it as a joke that ends up making me feel even worse. It's all about that stigma around mental illnesses. I tell him I'm not being lazy and he says it's 50/50 (as a joke) then proceeds to tell me he knows I'm not. But now I just feel like he is lying and really does feel like I'm being dramatic about things when I'm not. We will be out in public and I'll be perfectly fine. We will be laughing and joking and then I'll get really self-conscious. Something drastically changes and I'll either get quiet or self-conscious or anxious or very irritable and he tells me I'm acting 'weird'. Yes I start acting differently and I don't know why and yes this happens a lot, but don't call it weird. That makes me feel like crap. I wish that these waves of emotions and dark thoughts would go away and not make me act the way that I do, but I can't help it. I have no control over it. So that makes me weird. That makes me not normal. That makes me a freak. Or at least that's how I take it. Dramatic? Yeah I guess. But, again, I can't control that it. And when the one person I need to accept me and try to understand me pretty much kicks me when I'm down, it brings me so much lower.
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About MeMy name is Casey Velarde and I am from Las Vegas, NV. I graduated from SUU with my bachelors degree in 2015. I was diagnosed with depression my sophomore year of high school and it's a fight every day, but I try my best to hide it.
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