"The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths"
- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
It's been another roller coaster of a weekend. It seems like the weekends are always filled with more ups and downs than the rest of the week. I think it's because I have less things to distract myself with during the weekends. Everything started out great. I was excited for my boyfriend's family came to visit on Valentines day. They took us out to a nice dinner and then we all went bowling. We spent all night laughing and having a great night. The minute we got home and I started getting ready for bed my good mood switched instantly to a bad one. All it took was one look at my reflection in the mirror and all my good vibes disappeared. I immediately thought of myself as ugly, gross, fat/pudgy, broken out and all around a disgusting piece of poop. I had felt this way earlier in the week, but was able to shake off the bad vibes and thoughts. It didn't matter that my boyfriend, Devan, had spent the past two days telling me how beautiful and breathtaking I was. It didn't matter that he tried to make me feel better by telling me I was the most beautiful girl in the world. The more he said anything about me being beautiful the angrier I got. Not angry at him, but angry at the thought that someone could see something so good in me when I couldn't see anything close to that.
When this happens, when I find myself in this dark place, when I am not able to snap myself out of it or distract myself from it, when I'm not able to find something to replace the pain, when I feel so pathetic and worthless I don't know what helps me feel better. Devan gets upset because he isn't able to help and I'm not able to tell him how. Not knowing puts a huge strain on our relationship and this just makes me even more upset. It's my fault. And again this leads to the thought that he might be happier without me if all I do is keep unintentionally hurting him like this. But he never leaves me. And I'm completely and utterly thankful for that.
When this happens, when I find myself in this dark place, when I am not able to snap myself out of it or distract myself from it, when I'm not able to find something to replace the pain, when I feel so pathetic and worthless I don't know what helps me feel better. Devan gets upset because he isn't able to help and I'm not able to tell him how. Not knowing puts a huge strain on our relationship and this just makes me even more upset. It's my fault. And again this leads to the thought that he might be happier without me if all I do is keep unintentionally hurting him like this. But he never leaves me. And I'm completely and utterly thankful for that.
I may not know how to help Devan or myself, but thanks to the internet here is a list of things you can say to someone who is depressed.
1. "I love you"
2. "I care"
3. "You're not alone in this"
4. "I'm not going to leave/abandon you"
5. "You're not crazy"
6. "Don't say anything, just hug me while you cry"
7. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I'm not going to leave you. I'm going to take care of myself so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me"
8. "You are important to me"
9. "I'm here for you if you need a friend"
10. "It will pass and we can ride it out together"
Just remember...
It's not personal! It's not that you don't do enough or don't say the right things or don't make us happy, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
It's not personal! It's not that you don't do enough or don't say the right things or don't make us happy, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.